Four Questions To Cool Heated Conversations

I remember VIVIDLY the first time a leader yelled at me at work. I know now that what I was feeling in that moment was shock but back then I had no clue how to address the situation. I knew how to handle conflict with my students but never with someone who was supposed to be in control and in charge.

From that conflict and others like it I’ve learned that avoiding hard conversations still causes disconnection. Whether it’s at the company Christmas party or the Thanksgiving table with family when conflict arises the best thing to do is acknowledge it head on but in a warm way.

Here are four questions to help take that burning forest fire and turn it into something warm. Something like a small fire to cook vs an inferno that burns everything it touches.

Behind every conflict you will find a need for safety, love or belonging but it usually manifests itself in big and sometimes scary ways.

Using these four questions in a tactful way next time you find yourself in a confrontation is going to help you and your relationships, I promise. I’ve tried it. I’ve helped others with it.

Here’s what we talked about:

05:00 My first conflict at work

08:40 Question 1 - finding love

10:00 Question 2 - identifying loss

12:05 Question 3 - addressing hurt

14:30 Question 4 - dreaming

18:54 The opportunities ahead